Anchor Yourself

I was in Fast and Testimony meeting this past August, when a wonderful woman in our ward got up and bore her testimony regarding Anchors. She told a story of a stormy night they spent on Lake Powell. Her husband, as a way of preparing for a possible storm, took the necessary steps in order to secure more anchors to the firm ground below them. As the storm broke across their boat they were able to feel safe and secure as their anchors held firm.

This beautiful sister then made the application that related to each of our individual lives. We each will face storms as we sail our boats back to our final destinations. How prepared we are for those storms is solely dependent on us as individuals. As she spoke of throwing down extra spiritual anchors in order to anchor yourself for the storms that may arise, I felt a nudge inside that told me that this is what I needed to do. I couldn't imagine or foresee a distant storm on the horizon. I actually thought that these anchors that I would be attempting to place in firmer ground were to help settle the waves that I was already experiencing.

I will forever be grateful for this sister who, perhaps like myself, may have experienced the fear and trepidation that comes as you sit there in the audience with your heart beating like a wild drum. I wonder if she had those thoughts in her head that I hear so often. "You don't have anything important to say!"

The truth is that by her breaking through that barrier of fear and getting up to share this message, my heart was touched. The Spirit was able to speak to me and through her words I was able to hear a vital message . . . ANCHOR YOURSELF!

I look back to that Sunday meeting as an important moment in preparing me for what was to come. I could never have know then that two months later I would be sitting on a hillside alone. My son in a life flight helicopter headed to one hospital and my husband in an ambulance headed to another. The peace and hope that I felt in that moment came only because my anchors were secure. I knew that our lives were in good hands - God's Hands. I knew that if I trusted in Him all would be made well.

My special thanks to the woman who allowed the Spirit to work through her as she shared with our congregation the beautiful message of the importance of ANCHORING YOURSELF to the ROCK.

Helaman 5:12

Bedtime Prayers

Each night we gather around Marcus' bed to say our night time prayers. From the first day that Marcus was home he has insisted on doing whatever it takes in order to kneel on his knees and pray. Those first few days I found myself trying to talk him out of getting up and kneeling. I would watch him whince in pain as he would move his body in order to be on his knees. I would suggest that Heavenly Father would understand if he just sat in bed this time for prayer. Each night he would smile at me and then continue to do whatever it takes to get to a spot where he is kneeling in order to pray. At first this frustrated me - why would he add more pain to his already sore body? I have since found this nightly routine of his to be one of the things I admire most in my son. Despite the pain, despite the time or effort it takes, he does what he can in order to PHYSICALLY say to his Father in Heaven - Thank You. This act of kneeling isn't done out of guilt or habit, it is done out of a desire to show His Father how grateful he is.

Tonight after our family prayer Marcus stayed in that position in order to say his personal prayer. As I went back in to tuck him into bed he had this profound message.

"I don't have many pleases in my prayers any more, I mostly just have thank you's. "

There is a beautiful saying that captures the image of what Marcus is attempting to do each night as he prays.

"When life gets too hard to stand - Kneel"

This has been a rough experience for a little 10 year old to have to shoulder and yet under the extreme weight of his worries, fears and pain he finds himself being filled with thanks. He doesn't ask for all of the many things that he could. Please take away the pain or please heal me more quickly. Instead he is filled with an abundant amount of Gratitude. I believe there is a power that comes from our Maker when we place ourselves on our knees, offering up a sincere prayer. Through this Marcus has found a way to see the hope, joy and peace that Father has promised to him. Through Marcus' example I have found a greater desire to give thanks for all of the many things that I have been blessed with. One of which is a remarkable little boy with an amazing desire to give thanks.

Meet Marcus

This is Marcus!

Not Marcus Pratt but an adorable little puppy that comes to visit every day. This little puppy has been lovingly named Marcus by the family who owns him - that is until he is sold to a new family who might name him Bob or Bruiser or Bandit, but for the time being he is named Marcus and on a daily basis this little guy comes to play. What happens when he comes? The other Marcus (my Marcus) get's a huge smile on his face!!

He is one of 6 little golden retriever puppies born to our neighbors dogs. This sweet family carries over in a box 3 or 4 puppies for Marcus and Emma to cuddle and play with.

I feel like I can relate to what many grandparents say they love about being a grandparent. They can love their grandkids, spoil them rotten and then send them back home. It has been fun watching Marcus love, cuddle, snuggle and spoil these little pups to his hearts content, but at the end of the day they head back home. (which is really good since at the moment I have all the poop I can handle :)

What I love the most about this daily routine is the fact that a kind family steps outside of their busy life and enters ours. Two beautiful girls bring with them not just a box of adorable puppies, but the perfect antidote for a bland day. We hear the stories they share, we laugh along with them and in the end, all of our hearts are opened to a feeling of warmth and caring. The puppies are cute (thats an understatement!) but the real treat is the bonds of friendship that are being made. Marcus loves and looks forward to his time when he gets to play with his new friend Marcus and all of his siblings, which at this moment include two wonderful neighborhood girls.

crying out of fear not pain

Yesterday we went to the doctor to see how the healing process is coming along for Marcus. The whole family went, because in addition to his check up, we had the wonderful family bonding opportunity of getting swine flu shots... if you know my family, you know their absolute terror of needles. Tanner was almost hyper-ventillating the night before. Marcus thought that he had heard the shot would make his lungs collapse again. Even our brave little Emma started to panic. The truth is, Marcus' sweet and careful doctor just wanted the precaution, because if Marcus got the swine flu in the state his body is in right now, it could be fatal! Well, the time for the dreaded appointment. Marcus went first, with Tanner and Emma waiting in the hall with Michael. Marcus went through the entire check up, anxiously waiting for the deadly sentence to be pronounced, "now its time for your shot!" At last he could stand it no longer. As the nurse, who would eventually give him his shot walked through the door, he started to cry. Not just tiny tears of fear but the type of cry where the flood gates open and there is no holding back. It was like all the pain and fear of the last three weeks came out in this one little dramatic moment. He cried like his insides were about to be sucked out through this tiny needle. I wanted so badly to comfort him... I told him over and over it would be okay, it wouldn't hurt too bad, he didn't need to cry- but it was like he couldn't even hear my words through his inconsolable fear. It was in that moment of his panic and perceived pain, when the lesson came. "It is all over Marcus! We have already given you your shot! See- the band aid is already on!" He looked down at his arm...it was true. The band aid was on, the shot already given. It only took a moment for his little face to completely change. The thing he had feared so ferociously had been a dud...a total non-event. He hadn't even felt it! In that instant the tears turned to first a chuckle, and then an all-out, from the gut, laugh. He couldn't stop. His face was still wet from crying, and yet the laughter burst forth like an unstoppable river of relief and bliss. As we talked through the experience as a family on the way home, we realized just how often this same experience happens in life. We spend time and energy stressing about all the perceived pain and trauma that could happen. I wonder if we could simply stop and stand still, if we would hear a Parent saying quietly "it will be okay. It wont hurt too bad! You don't need to cry!" In scripture language, it would probably sound more like, " Let not your heart be troubled. Ye believe in God, believe also in me...I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you." (John 14:1,18)

I have determined to try harder to stop crying (or stressing) over fear - not pain. To trust my Heavenly Parents voice more...to let not my heart be troubled. I know there are still moments of pain ahead for all of us- Marcus, my family, and all of us. Sometimes the pain (like the shot) is designed to help us. What I learned from this Dr. visit with Marcus, is that often the fear of the experience actually hurts more than the experience itself.

My Therapist Named "Mac"

The point of this blog began as a way to keep family and friends informed on what was happening with Marcus' recovery. That was what I thought this blog was. But the truth is that this blog became so much more for me than a daily update. This blog became my very own long black couch. Do you know which couch I'm talking about? The one that you always see in the movies - placed perfectly in the therapists office (or in my case our hospital room). Each day I would pick up my little laptop who lovingly became known as my therapist named "Mac" and begin to write. It's amazing how soothing to my soul this little practice became. I look back at my journal entries from the hospital days and think how grateful I am that I have those feelings and experiences written down. Memories that might today be a distant blur are made alive once again as I READ the things that we saw and experienced. We watched a miracle take place in front of our eyes. We witnessed the healing power of the Savior as He restored Marcus' body. We felt His love as we sat at the bedside of our broken son. What a beautiful gift He gave our family. I will forever be grateful for the merciful kindness of the Savior, as He responded to our prayers - yours and mine. In a time when the world is so cynical and un-trusting, we have seen firsthand that we can count on the Savior to be near us in hard times.

My sister in law who came over to my house today helped me to see the importance of writing things down. She shared with me her favorite talk from this past general conference session -Elder Richard G. Scott's talk on how "To Acquire Spiritual Guidance". It was interesting for me to recognize that one of the vital keys to acquiring spiritual guidance is to write down the thoughts and impressions that come to your mind.

As we experienced the miracle that was taking place before our eyes, I had the ability to keep a record of those little messages that crept into my heart. I will cherish the day that Heavenly Father taught me that He is there. He can hear me! I look at life with new eyes as I recognize that sometimes we have to go through hard things in order to help us become better. What a beautiful gift writing these things down has become for me personally. And so today as I seek to learn what I should do and which paths I should take, I have decided to continue my little practice of meeting with my therapist named "Mac Book Pro" each night. I hope that by putting these experiences into words, I will find at the end of my journey I will have an even greater clarity as I can look back and see the hand of God in the daily threads of this patchwork called my life.

To Be Continued?

We don't really know if we should continue this blog. It's purpose was to keep those, who were unable to visit in the hospital, up to date on Marcus' progress. Well we are now out of the hospital and finishing our recovery in the comforts of our home. Marcus still has a long road before his body is back to anywhere near normal. The doctors told us not to be fooled by the way he looks on the outside. They suggested that if we could visibly see the scars and damage that are hidden under his nice layer of skin that we would be scared to have him at home. We still are taking every precaution that Marcus not get bumped in any way, that he not fall, or even get hugged by those who love him. He is still very fragile on the inside and needs time for things to heal back to their proper order. So our life at home continues to be very much the same as it was in the hospital. Lots of reading, lots of movies, lots of sleeping, etc.

We so appreciate all of the kind messages that have been sent, the visitors who have cheered us, the generous gifts that you have given. You have boosted our spirits and increased our determination to keep smiling. this past January we set a family goal. On my personal family blog I had posted this:

Family Goal:

We decided that this year we needed a family goal. A theme to live by. Well after our family night where we each proposed our ideas we had a deciding vote (Tanner won) and we chose this as our motto to live by.

2009 Pratt Family Theme

Inspired by the conference report from President Thomas S. Monson. "Let us relish life as we LIVE IT, find JOY IN THE JOURNEY, and SHARE OUR LOVE with friends and family." We chose to

FIND JOY IN THE JOURNEY!

Little did I know at the time when I posted this blog, how important it would be to have family and friends surrounding us through our journey this year. You have helped us find ways to relish life as much as possible in the struggles of this year as we LIVE IT and do our best to find JOY IN OUR JOURNEY.

Follow Up Visit

Today we had our follow up visit back up at Primary Childrens Medical Center.

Marcus and I drove to the hospital in silence. This is unique for the two of us as we both tend to be the talkers in the family. I guess that we each had a load of thoughts jumbling around in our heads and the best way to sort through them was to sit still and focus on the sights and sounds that came rushing past our window.

When we got to the hospital I grabbed Marcus a wheelchair and we began our follow up visit. First we had to take tons of x-rays and then we headed off to the lab where they drew Marcus' blood. I had just assumed that after having experienced two weeks in the hospital with Marcus where he had dime size tubes in his chest, one in his stomach, several needles in his arms, and other tubes going in all sorts of locations that he would be one tough little kiddo. Boy was I suprised when the nurse pulled out the tiniest needle to draw some blood and Marcus froze. He was paralyzed with fear. I quickly jumped to his side as his face turned white and he began to sink into his chair. Who knew that after all that he has experienced and gone through he would still be afraid of needles. It about did me in with laughter. Marcus barely made it back into the wheelchair. He looked up at me and with puppy dog eyes asked "can we please go home now?"

We still had one Doctor left to see - the surgeon who, on the day of the accident, cut Marcus open and repaired what he could. As we sat in the office waiting for the Doctor to come in for our check-up Marcus again looked faint. When I asked him what he was worried about he said
"Is he going to cut me open again today?" I chuckled and explained that he only needed to do that once. I told Marcus that today's visit was to make sure that everything was working properly. His next question caused me to giggle out loud.
"Why?" "Did he take something out of my insides?"

How scary the world can appear when we don't know what is coming - what to expect. In Marcus' case he let his imagination run wild and expected the worse case scenerio. The Doctor was going to cut him open and try to figure out where to put the part he had taken out. I sat there in the Doctors office thinking about how often I do this same thing. Today I was concerned about other issues in my life and on the ride up to the hospital I found myself creating the worst case scenerio. I think it is now time for Marcus and I to turn our lives over to the doctors that know what is best for us. Marcus has his earthly doctor who will help to heal his broken body, and I have my Heavenly Doctor who if I allow Him will heal me in all the areas of my life that arent as strong as I want them to be.

What a great follow up visit for us both!